Notes to My Inlove Self

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This post is also available in: Română (Romanian)

 

My dear, I can see from your fidgeting and the dumb smile on your face that we are again dealing with another case of uncontrolled weakness for a male citizen. Nothing wrong about that. Let’s try this time to remember a few things about what happened the previous times. Let’s not make the same mistakes. It’s advisable to be open to novelty: try some more innovative mistakes!
Love is blind, they say. Even so, being blind doesn’t equal being stupid. However…

 

  • He smiled or laughed at your jokes? That probably means he has a sense of humor. It’s not a declaration of love. Keep yourself together.
  • While you were talking it seemed to you he was looking at you in a certain way? It must have been the sun in his eyes. Don’t hang on to any little thing.
  • He became more audacious after a couple of beers? Of course he did. If he has no balls when sober and wide awake, chances are that he’s not that into you.
  • He always replies to your messages? He obviously likes attention and maybe he’s being polite. Don’t forget to count all the messages he sent first. Then do the math.
  • He’s rushing you to do that thing? Maybe he has a checklist.
  • Is he involved somewhere else? You might wanna mark him with an X and move on. No excuses: it’s just a girlfriend, not a wife, they don’t live together, it’s a new or too old of a relationship, they don’t have children, etc. X and then, next!
  • He’s single? Maybe on an official level. Do your research. Don’t assume. Find out, ask him!
  • You don’t know his friends? You might be among the unofficial chicks.
  • You only meet indoors? Check the possible reason above.
  • You hang out and then he disappears for a while, without an explanation? Reply to his message or take his call ONCE, at most. Maybe he has been attacked by an escaped rhinoceros and that’s why he was missing. Or maybe he got a medical certificate to show you, proving that he was held in quarantine with a contagious disease. Or maybe he was abducted by the talibans. Give him this chance. ONLY ONCE. Then prescribe him some “Go fuck yourself” treatment.

 

If you are not reading carefully these notes and you do not follow them, at the end of the game you might end up adding yourself a couple of new ones.
The wisdom that follows your experience is awesome. Too bad it shows up really late.
However, don’t forget, sweetie: love is like a fireplace where you add firewood. No more wood, fire goes out. If you answered yes to some of the questions above, it might be a good idea to stop adding firewood, as you have a very good chance to get burnt. Again. Don’t fuel your mind with excuses, thoughts and imaginary scripts. They only lengthen your agony. Be honest with yourself and abandon this project.
Yours faithfully, my reasonable self.

The Creeping Cookie

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